Giving and taking Constructive Criticism

Good leaders are good leaders because they have learnt much along the way. To learn one has to be open to instruction, which sometimes includes constructive criticism. Nobody is perfect, therefore it stands to reason that everybody is likely to benefit from some constructive criticism. Those who realize this, and are open to this are the ones more likely to grow.

For those who are more conflict averse, giving constructive criticism is one of the most difficult things to do. But if you care enough for someone or something, hopefully you will see the importance of helping to shape or even correct a person or a situation. Seeing the bigger picture usually helps to to see why the criticism is necessary. Think of the scenario of a child who is never taught socializing skills, and as a result has difficulty with relationship building skills as an adult. In other words, the spoilt child who is never corrected.

Constructive criticism should come from a place of caring. I have to confess there have been times when I have received poor service, but have not cared enough to give feedback. I just make the decision to not go back, without taking the time to explain why. A person I know who is far more caring, will go out of his way and give up his time to give constructive criticism. Those who are serious about customer service are usually appreciative of such feedback.

Two points to make about giving criticism:

1. Make sure it’s purpose is constructive, with no sense of blame shifting. Constructive criticism should be objective and always be other person centred. It should not be emotive or come from self protection. If this is what ends up occurring, it is not constructive criticism, it is a conflict or argument. It may be that a conversation is needed to deal with a conflict, but don’t pretend that this is the same thing as constructive criticism. The motivation should be to benefit the recipient, not to protect yourself.

2. It shouldn’t come too easy. Criticism, even constructive criticism from the purest of motives, should still have an element of difficulty. Some are able to deal with conflict and criticism better than others, either as a result of experience gained or because of their personality types. Regardless of your personality type or experience, you should feel the weight of having to say something that might be difficult for others to hear.

Understanding the good that can come out of the criticism should help motivate us to offer constructive criticism. When you see that really good worker who could be so much better with a little shaping, direction, or even just the opportunity to see from a slightly different angle, you will take the time to think through your wording and offer that constructive criticism.

There is a school of thought that shuns any form of criticism, even constructive criticism, but if we acknowledge that not everybody has the same access to learnings, or may need assisted scaffolding to achieve learnings, we can see the benefit in being willing to be caring and vulnerable enough to help others.

Receiving criticism is another story. None of us enjoy being criticized. We know in theory we are not perfect but to hear our faults being laid out is never easy. Even when the person offering the constructive criticism has put all the right effort into softening the wording and explaining that they are merely offering suggestions for improvement, we still hear ‘faults’.

Those who have reached the dizzy heights of leadership are likely to experience more criticism than most, often from a place of ‘you haven’t given me what I want’ rather than wanting to be constructive. Even in this situation there is much to learn from criticism. Amidst the very difficult situation of experiencing this negativity, there can be beauty in having enough data to weed out the self-serving aspects and map out the commonalities. This is where the lesson can lie. It may be possible that with just a minor tweak, a lot more people can be happier.

One of the EQ, or soft skills we can develop is to learn how to listen properly. Listen to what is being said, not just what you heard.

Having good EQ skills - gaining wisdom, is knowing how to take criticism. People with EQ skills know how to:

• hear what is being said

• be appreciative that someone cared enough to take the time to say something

• deal with any negative emotions that may arise from the criticism

• not dismiss it immediately but process the information in a way that they can learn from it.

It may take a lot of effort to give constructive criticism, and there is an element of pain in hearing it, but we are all more the poorer, and to some extent stunted if we never experience it. Take the time to build a safe environment (which includes robust performance management processes, relationship building, good supportive structures and a healthy culture) and care enough to help others grow.